I just..

.. wanted to wish everyone a Happy New Year.

His Royal Gorgeousness

I just felt that this guy deserves a blogpost all to himself. He is such a gorgeous boy. This amazing cat is a true Healer. He gives so much love and comfort and he knows when you need it the most. He is all about love (and food). He’s a big boy.. almost 16 pounds. So what..? He’s big boned.. *ss*

We spoil him rotten.. and why shouldn’t we..?! He gives us so much every single second of every day.. just by existing. He talks with me and he talks a lot. He loves sourcream and chicken breast filet. Well.. he loves a lot of food.. like his mama

He has now injured his tail so he has had to stay indoors for almost a month. He does not like that at all.. and he protests loudly every day. I don’t want him to go out there and make it worse.. it’s healing so well now. The wounds has closed up and they are now dry and clean. Some other cat has probably bit him. I hope he gave them a run for their money.

Well.. I just wanted you guys to meet my boy.. he has many names, like most loved ones do. His Royal Gorgeousness is just one of them. His real name is King Kirre of Skörbyhöjden. He also goes by Beautiful, Princess, Baby and a million other names. He’s perfect. He just is absolutely perfect.

Lucia, birthdays and anniversary

We celebrate Lucia here in Sweden today.. always on December 13th. The queen of light that comes at the darkest time of the year. I wish you americans would be able to experience a real lucia celebration sometime. It’s touching.. it’s beautiful.. it’s very traditional.

It’s also my parents wedding anniversary. Today is 42 years since they got married. They got to celebrate a silver wedding anniversary (25 years) before my dad passed away. And not only is it lucia and a wedding anniversary.. according to my daughter.. this is one of the most important days of the year. It’s Amy Lee’s birtday and this year she turns 30. Happy Birthday Amy Lee. It’s also Danny’s birthday.. and Danny is The Pancake Man of all times.. I love him.. Happy Birthday Danny Boy.

We went to the hospital for a 4 hour testing session this morning.. but they had forgotten about us, or things had gotten mixed up so we had to drive back home again. That sucked.. since it was an hour and a half drive in one direction. Shit happens though. Today is rainy and stormy out there.. so we’ve been just chillin’ indoors.

Have a wonderful Lucia people.. light some candles and let the light fight the darkness away.. on all levels.

Third of Advent

Today is the third of Advent. That means we’re counting down and that there’s only one more Sunday left before Christmas. There is no Holiday spirit here what so ever. For many reasons. Weather being one of them. For the first time in a long time.. we have no snow. The lawn is still green and it feels unreal to celebrate Christmas when the weather shows late autumn or something. We saw some sun today though.. which is nice. We’ve had frosty nights and icy roads.. but that’s about it. I’ve got winter wheels on my car.. which is something you need to have by law in this country from Dec 1st. But no longer than April 30th. I think that’s a good thing.. it provides a much safer traffic environment and lessens the accidents by plenty.

No Holiday sprit at all. I have no idea where to find it.. if I even want it. I’m not sure. I kind of hope it comes and goes somewhat quick. I’m looking forward to meet my beautiful nephews and my family.. but I always look forward to meet them.. being Christmas or not. New Years.. we’ll probably be home by ourselves, my daughter and I.. unless she is invited somewhere with her friends. If so.. then it’s the cat and myself.. and that’s all good. I don’t mind.

I wish everyone a nice Sunday.. and may the Holiday spirit surround each and everyone of you.. just don’t forget that it isn’t all about the presents..

Today’s status

I like lists… what can I say.. Here’s one that gives away today’s status…

Mood: A bit tired.. concerned.. shattered.. and hungry.

Plans: Make dinner, watch television, do some laundry.. maybe write some stuff a little later.

Most fun: Lunch with a wonderful friend today.

Most boring: The icy roads and my mind.

Most disgusting: The smell in the hospital where we were at today.

Should: Shower.

Longing: For a job, a life, a peaceful day.

Addiction: Facebook.

Want: A job.

Hairdo: A little blonder, a little shorter than before.

Clothes: Red sweatpants, blue t-shirt.

Person: Sanna.

Song: “My heart is broken” by Evanescence.

Christmas soon..?

I can’t believe it’s only a bit more than 2 weeks to Christmas. It doesn’t feel like Christmas.. the Holiday Spirits has certainly not landed here this year. At all. I miss them though.. the anticipation, the excitement.. the decorations and the planning for those days that are meant to be with family and loved ones. But what if you don’t have that..?! That’s when Christmas becomes one huge bundle of pain. That’s what it’s like for me this year. I’m not looking forward to it at all. I wish it had come and gone already. I don’t really have anything to look forward to. Am I a downer..? Yes, I am. And I wish I wasn’t. I wish I had a reason to be happy and grateful.. but that reason is hard to find.

Once you start thinking a little though.. it’s there. I am grateful to have the most amazing daughter here with me. She truly is the light of my life and I don’t know how I’d go on another day without her. We also have the most fantastic cat in the universe.. he is so cool and he is so ours. He truly is a part of our little family here. I’m also grateful that I have a mother and brothers and a sister that’s close to my heart. I have nephews that fill my heart with pride and joy. My mom and one of my brothers will sponsor me with gas so we can spend Christmas with them. That is truly something to be grateful for.. so why aren’t I feeling that joy and happiness..?

Because life is not what it should be.. what it was planned to be.. what I had hoped for it to be. I need a lot of reassurance and that makes me feel clingy and needy and I’m aware that I can be too much to handle. I don’t even ask for it anymore.. because it makes me feel ashamed and embarrassed. I’m stuck in this grief, this deep darkness that seems to have no end. I’m losing everything little by little.. physically, emotionally, mentally. Next year will be a year of huge changes.. that I know for sure. I don’t know exactly how though.. and that feeds my fears and insecurities too. It might be time to try another way to deal with things.. since what I have been doing for a long time doesn’t seem to work. I’m only feeling worse and worse. What would that be though..? I have no idea. No idea what so ever. I’m on a mission to find out though.

Meanwhile.. Life goes on.. one moment at the time. S and I are making our own presents for Christmas this year. They are small but they are given from the heart and with lots of love. I miss my boys. A lot. It’s painful.. more than I can explain. There simply isn’t words enough. I’ve been writing the same thing about missing and loving for so long.. and every time it’s just as hard to try and explain how it really feels. I don’t think anyone can really understand. No words can give those feelings any justice.

Anyways.. December is here and it’s moving fast towards that holiday I dread so much. I’m taking one step at the time.. that’s all I can do. I wish everyone a nice and peaceful time.. don’t stress out too much. Nothing has to be perfect. Being together with the ones you love and cherish is the most important thing. People seem to forget what Christmas is really about.. It has become a commercial, moneydraining circus. Sadly.

Keep it cool people.. find those moments where you recharge your batteries, where you find that inner peace that gives you the true meaning of life.

Anxiety

Anxiety is a bitch. I wake up with it and I go to bed with it. Some rare days it can be kept in the back of my head for a while.. but mostly it has decided to stay in the centre of my universe for now. I hate that. It limits me a lot.

Not knowing important and life changing things is difficult. Nobody knows, so there is no straight answer. Wait and see. God knows I’ve done that enough to last for a few lifetimes. It’s frustrating.. it’s heartbreaking.. it’s devastating.

I miss them so much and I want them here with me. But I don’t know if or when they will be here. Almost fourteen years has passed since I first started to wait for my heart to come here and make me feel complete. Fourteen years is a very long time. I should have hope and faith, but the fear has put a stop to that too. I want to hope and wait and be excited and maybe I will be again some day. But for now.. I live in darkness, sadness and fear.

Anxiety. It keeps me up at nights.. because the pain from it is so bad when I lay down.. so I dread doing that.

I’m standing at a point in my life where I’m about to lose just about everything. I’ve never been in this position before. It scares the shit out of me. I have never felt this alone in my life either. I know S and I are on many people’s mind. But here, physically.. we’re alone.

I’m so tired of being tired. So tired of having to struggle. Christmas is coming up. I don’t want it to. Because I am afraid it will be another one without my family being together. How many more of these holidays in a long distance relationship with 4000 miles and an ocean between us..? I don’t know. The one thing I know best for now is how to cry.

I’m very aware of that I have to get it together and get proactive again. I’m just so tired.. and I suppose I needed to vent somewhere.. Depressing, huh..?!

There’s so much love.. but it’s still being locked up and limited. It hurts. Hurts deep.

I just want a normal family life.. is that really too much to ask for..? Oh God, I miss them so much..

Thankfullness

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone who celebrates it. I hope it isn’t all about food.. I hope everyone feels the thankfullness and gratitude of being able to celebrate together and to have loved ones surrounding you. There is always something to be thankful for. Sometimes it’s hard to find.. merely because other things take over at times. But even then.. there is always something to be thankful for. I am thankful that the snow hasn’t come yet. And I’m thankful that I have a wonderful daughter who I’m very close with.. and I’m very thankful for our amazing cat.

So.. eat, laugh and enjoy.. and be thankful for what you’ve got people. Don’t take anything for granted. Ever.

Confusion

I am feeling so lost.. I don’t know what to say or do anymore. Emptiness. Fear. A racing mind that doesn’t listen to any reason.

Right now life feels dark and difficult. I’m getting to a point of no return.. but I don’t know where I’m going to land. I am not even sure who I am anymore or where I’m heading. I’m confused. Should I sell the house and move somehwere far away.. or somewhere nearby. I have no idea. I need a fresh start.. but how and where..? And where the hell will I get the strength from..?

Today is a bitch. A clinical depression is a bitch. Maybe tomorrow will be better. I hope.

Thanksgiving is coming up in the US.. so Happy Thanksgiving to anyone who might read this. I hope and wish you a nice holiday among friends and loved ones. We don’t celebrate Thanksgiving here.. but I know it’s a huge thing for you guys. Enjoy.. eat a lot.. and be thankful that you have each other and that you have a family to celebrate with.

Confusion.. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.. maybe.

What are words..

.. I’m out of words right now. I’m just in so much pain..

Listening to this..

I’m back..

There has been some talking about starting blogs again.. and of course I want to hop on that train, being a writer in some aspects. I hope and wish that others will follow. Let’s not put the goals too high though.. let’s just try to keep this going. No matter how much or little you have to do,  you can find the little time it takes once or twice a week to update this.. right..?

Sometimes there’s a lot to tell, a lot to share. Other times.. not so much. Writing on a somewhat regular basis is most important though.. to keep this alive. Being the mess I am for the time being.. I’ll leave it at this for now, but I will get back here real soon..

One more thing.. if you do take a peek, please leave a comment. It’s always uplifting and nice to know someone was here and that is how we enable the closeness. Also, please forgive my english at times.. that is not my native tongue, so I’m sure it’ll be errors here and there. Bare with me.

Take care everyone.. until next time..

Who knew..

.. that I would blog again today..?! Thought I would just leave a few words here as the day has just begun for me. I hope everyone has had a good nights sleep. I’ve had a few things to take care of this morning and so I did. It’s windy, cloudy and the sun peeks through the clouds every now and then. If it continues like this.. we might lose the snow within a few weeks. I only hope there will be no more snow this winter. Enough.

Today I have some writing to do and I thought about preparing some pictures for upcoming exhibitions also. I have also plans on selling some of my pictures, framed and with some aforisms through some of the interior decoration stores around here.  A couple of them has shown some interest.

So.. let the day begin. But first.. I have to eat. I’m constantly hungry and I’m about to take on the LCHF kind of life shortly.. Until next time.. Be careful out there.

A poll about days..

 

Happy Birthday my beautiful Zachary

Today is a very special day. My beautiful man is getting yet another year older HAPPY BIRTHDAY my precious one. I am so in love with you and I am so proud to have your love.. so happy to be yours and so grateful and overwhelmed that you want to be mine. You are the love of my life and you make my heart sing.. my soul dance.. and my whole being tingle. I hope and wish that you have a fantastic day and that you enjoy every second of it. I know you are surrounded with so much love.. embrace it baby. You deserve it more than anyone.

I have been running around everywhere today.. had lunch with an old collegue. Then therapy.. a good but tough session. Then back home, get redressed before we took off to downtown Stockholm to meet up with our best friends for dinner at Bamboo Palace. Really great place. Their asian buffét is to die for.

Tomorrow I have a meeting with the unemployment office and then we have some friends over for dinner in the early evening. Another mother/daughter team that we always have a lot of fun with. I let them storage their off season car wheels in my storage room outside.. since they live in a small apartment. And then on Saturday morning.. we drive to Norrköping. My mom turns 65 and we’ll get together to celebrate her. Sanna and I of course.. the three brothers (stooges) *L* Tommy, Janne and Jens and their families. So I’m gonna meet the little munchkins again and be a full time auntie for a couple days. Tim (16), Isak (9), Oliver (8), Dexter (6) and Douglas (2 in April). I don’t think Rasmus (19 in April) will be hanging with us though.. he just got back with his girlfriend so he’s kind of busy.. *ss*.

Oki doki folks.. Have a wonderful day or night or morning or wherever you might be when you read this. Georgia – I am with you tomorrow for sure. You will do great and I am very proud of you. I love you sweetheart. Jason.. I love you like mad. I’m here for you both.

Until next time… be careful out there..

A rough day

Wednesday.. It’s been a challenging day emotionally today. My mentor, dear friend, role model, former boss.. and the greatest leader I have ever met or known.. died on March 1st. Today was his funeral and I wasn’t able to go. It was held in his hometown, Jönköping, which is about 4-5 hours from here. I was there in spirit though.. I’m just real sad.

I’m also sad over the tragedy that has happened in Japan. Both Sanna and I are very affected by it and we follow the news closely to see how things develop. So horrible. The footage has been overwhelming.. almost too much to take in, hard to really understand. It’s beyond the worst thing that could happen to people you love. Just think about all those people who now lost everything.. and maybe doesn’t even know if their family and loved ones are still alive.

Other than that.. it just goes on as usual here with job hunting and trying to get through the day the best way we can. I’m in a kind of downward spiral for some reason.. or actually, for many reasons. I try to keep my head held high and mostly I can.. but not always. Not today. I miss my boys and the missing has turned into physical pain a lot time ago.. a pain that I know the five of us carry around every second of every day. Sometimes more and sometimes we manage to get distracted enough to ease the pain for a little bit. It’s hard to live like this.. not being able to be together or have the contact and communication you want and need. Sweet Kelsey.. I hope you can post the pics soon.. or send them.. or whatever you intend to do with them. It would mean so much. Justin.. I would still love to see the pics you took last summer too.. please..?

Tomorrow afternoon we go to Finland over the weekend. My mothers best friend since childhood lives only an hour from Turku, where the ships come in.. so it won’t be a long drive. I’m not too crazy on going right now.. but maybe a change of scenery will do us good. And Sunday evening will come fast enough.. that’s when we get on the ship back to Sweden.

Take good care of yourselves.. and it feels great to see that some of you has started to blog too..

Why not..

.. start blogging again..?! Been thinking about it lately and today I thought I’d make some kind of an update here. We got back from Norrköping a little while ago. We drove my mom and brother Tommy back home yesterday.. and also went to my amazing nephew, Sanna’s cousin Oliver’s b-day party. He turns 9 tomorrow.. but we celebrated him yesterday. Sanna and I also slept at my brother Jens and his wife Jennie’s house.. which was great.. since I got to be close to the little munchkins there. It’s been really hot and humid.. which is disgusting and draining.

So what else is new..? Exactly nothing..! I’m still unemployed.. my depression hasn’t gotten any better, rather worse actually.. I’m sad to say. I’m tired, I’m very sad and I feel lonely. I’m doing the best I can to keep breathing for now. And I’m the biggest complainer.. in case you didn’t notice. Which leads me to the fact that I should stop complaining right now and do something more constructive.. like taking a nap. In case anyone reads this.. I wish you a very nice 4th of July if you live in the US.. and just a great Monday if you belong to the rest of the world..

Just another Sunday

Yeah.. it’s just another Sunday here. Hot and humid and disgusting. I can’t wait for September.. I’m not a summer person at all, even though I really appreciate and love the light, the possibility to sit outside late, the roads being dry and clean from ice. I just hate the fact that I can’t sleep in this heat and I also hate insects. Other than that.. it’s just great. If it wasn’t this hot.. Yeah, told you I was a complainer..

If my uncle would have lived, he would have turned 70 today. My dad’s baby brother.. so today we’re remembering him with love and a ton of missing. Tonight we’ll light a candle for him. It’s been 6 years since he died. Time flies.

There are true angels out there.. and I am so very blessed to know a few of them. We have gotten a lot of great stuff to sell from a few friends. We are trying hard to buy ourselves some time and every penny is so appreciated and valuable. We were supposed to have been out selling on a huge flea market today, but neither one of us are in shape to do that. I’m not feeling that great.. physically or mentally. We will make another attempt next weekend. So today is just about hanging out. And all the other usual stuff that goes on constantly.. cleaning, laundry, dishes, dinner.. those every day things.

I wish everyone a great Sunday.. be safe and enjoy life the best way you can.

Back home again

We came back home late, late on Thursday evening.. or technically on Friday morning since it was after midnight. It was a long and emotionally challenging trip back home from one of the most beautiful places in the world.. our beloved Karlshamn. The little town by the ocean.. that holds so many memories, so much love and so many dear and loved friends. Our exhibition went so/so. We didn’t sell as much as we would have hoped for, but many people came to see our pictures and we got some great and positive feedback.

The drive home was rough since it was raining a lot of the time.. which sucks. We also made a couple stops on the way. First in Husqvarna.. where my ex-boss is buried. We went to the cemetary to look for his grave.. but we didn’t find it. I ended up calling his wife.. and we had a long and good talk. She guided us to where he was buried. It was very emotional and heartbreaking to see his name on a grave. It was a beautiful place, a very nice tomb stone and it was well kept with lovely flowers. It was a hard experience to see it though.. it hit me deep.

So.. back home and the anxiety was here, waiting for me. I had been able to push it aside somewhat during the week we were away and I’m grateful for that. It came crushing back hard enough once we were back home though. I haven’t been feeling at my best the past couple days. The long drive took a toll on me physically.. and with my arthritis and this disgusting heat and humidity.. it’s a bit tricky to manage. The heat makes it difficult to be comfortable anywhere. I’m tired, I’m worried, I’m sad most of the time.. More than anything, I’m hoping the boys will be able to make it here by the end of the coming week. I’m holding my breath..

A challenge

I like these kind of lists.. where you get to answer some questions and tell a bit more about yourself in a way that you rarely do otherwise. This is a challenge I got from my cousins wife.. and here are my answers:

When were you happiest?
The top moment is of course the birth of my Sanna. But there are happy moments here and there in life.. thank God.

What is your greatest fear?
To lose someone I love.

What is your earliest memory?
One of the earliest is when we lived in Gävle and I was 3. Mom went out with the garbage and the door slammed shut and I was locked into the apartment. I remember the fear when this one old lady who I was terrified for, talked with me through the mail opening in the door. I was around 3 years old.

What is the trait you must deplore in yourself?
I’m very insecure a lot. And lazy. I have become lazy.. I didn’t use to be.. and that bothers me a lot.

What is the trait you must deplore in others?
Prejudiced people and victims.. people who blame everything on someone and something else and don’t own their actions.

Property aside, what’s the most expensive thing you’ve bought?
My car.

What is your most treasured possession?
My computer and my camera.

What would your super power be?
I would like to be able to fly.. which is interesting because I’m scared to death for heights. It would be cool to be invisible also.

What makes you unhappy?
Unfairness, war, conflicts, fights, false people, lies… pain.

What do you most dislike about your appearance?
My size.

What is your favourite word?
I honestly don’t know. I love words.. absolutely love them so it’s hard to pick one out.

What is your most unappealing habit?
I interrupt people sometimes, but I am working on that. It’s very annoying but at least I’m aware of it and I am really working on not doing that.

What is your fancy dress costume of choice?
I’d look pretty much like myself in a Winnie The Pooh suit I’m sure *S*. And I’d love to have one of those amazing dresses they had back in the 17- and 1800’s.

If you could bring something extinct back to life, what would you choose?
Nothing really.. I’m not interested in getting dinosaurs back. But if I could get some passed away loved ones, that would be a different story …

Is it better to give or to receive?
I like both giving and receiving. They are equally much worth to me.

What does love feel like?
Safety, happiness, harmony, togetherness, closeness…

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
I honestly don’t know. That is something that others should answer for me.

What is the worst job you’ve done?
One summer when I was like 14 or 15 I got this job with two other girls where we had to clean and scrub high school lockers and classrooms.. like from graffiti and stuff.

If you could go back in time, where would you go?
There are a few moments in my life where I’d like to go back and say and/or act different. Not many moments, but a few. Knowing what I know now would have made the outcome different I’m sure.

When did you last cry, and why?
I cry pretty often, for various reasons…

How do you relax?
Cuddle with The Cat, read a book, listen to music, be near the ocean, be near my family, get a massage from my Sanna…

What single thing would improve the quality of your life?
To be able to worry less.

How would you most like to be remembered?
As someone who was a good human being and a decent role model.

Where would you most like to be right now?
With my family more than anything. But there are always two places that holds a piece of my heart and where I would want to be at least from time to time.
Karlshamn and Finland. Right now I’m pretty content with being at home though. I like being at home.

And now I pass on this challenge to whoever feels like answering the same questions. Please do.. it’s fun..! I’d love to see at least Zacky get this..

Mode description

Today’s…

Mood: A bit stressed out, a bit slow.. but alright in general.
Plans: Going to IKEA to get a frame for a job order I got last night
Most fun: Most fun so far today has been a good talk on the phone with a dear friend.
Most boring: Pain.
Most disgusting: Earwigs crawling in through open windows.. even on the second floor.
Should: Eat
Longing: Reply on if I get the job or not.
Addiction: I love this one sour milk called Onaka. Ate the last of it last night and I just gotta have it today.
Want: Money
Harido: Let’s just call it windy style
Clothes: Sweatpants and tank top so far.
Person: Me.
Song: Rob Zombie – Blitzkrieg Bop

Autumn..? Yes please..

Today it’s 4 months until Christmas. Yeah.. time flies. I sure hope life looks different by then.. in every sense of the word. The days has started to get shorter, the darkness falls earlier at nights. Up here in the north, we’re used to have bright evenings and nights througout the summer. I don’t mind the autumn coming though.. not at all. But it doesn’t feel autumnish yet. I bet that isn’t even a word. Well.. now it is. Autumnish. It’s still nice and warm most of the time.. but  not as disgustingly hot as it has been. Plus, the nights are a bit cooler.. which makes it easier to sleep.

So what else is new..?! Well.. I didn’t get the job at Covidien. I was kind of expecting to get a no.. I don’t know why, because I thought the interviews went very well. But the other woman, who was competing for the position with me.. had experience from that exact kind of job.. so she got it. Good for her. So the job hunt continues..

We plan on driving to a flea market on Saturday and we hope to sell a lot of stuff there. They have these mobile flea markets throughout the summer around here. More of a garage sale actually.. but you pack your car and you sell straight from the trunk. Or you actually have a table or whatever and show your stuff for sale. They’re usually held on huge parking lots or soccer fields. So that’s what we’ll be doing on Saturday.. wish us luck.

Other than that.. nothing. Just waiting.. Waiting for the autumn, waiting for our boys to get here, waiting to get a job.. waiting to feel safe and well. Just waiting..

Last day of August..

I kinda like these lists.. they say a lot and you just answer the questions, so it couldn’t be easier. Can’t believe that everyone doesn’t want to do this

Mood: Inspired.. or at least cautiously inspired. It’s a start. I’ve got a lot of ideas in my head.. now I just need to take them into action and start doing stuff. I’m still looking for some more energy though. Anyone seen my lost energy..?
Plans: For today: going to the store to get milk and butter. For tonight: Dinner and talking with my Richard.
Most fun: Waking up this morning to Kirre being His Royal Gorgeousness in my bed.
Most boring: Pain. It’s being a bitch today and that sucks.
Most disgusting: The forgotten container in the fridge with leftovers that I couldn’t even identify anymore.
Should: Shower and take off to the store.
Longing: For our boys to come here next week.
Addiction: Gardens of Time game on Facebook (so you people who haven’t replied to my requests.. PLEASE DO).
Want: My family together. Now.
Harido: Horrible.
Clothes: Navy blue shorts, white tank top.
Person: Zachary.
Song: Bon Jovi – Make a memory

Headhunted again

Yes.. can you believe it..?! It’s like a bottle of ketchup.. first nothing, nothing and then nothing and you keep pounding that bottle like an idiot.. thinking you’ll get the goodies after all.. still nothing. And then. All of a sudden.. it keeps flooding out like crazy and your dish is covered in ketchup. Well.. not exactly like that, but close enough.. *ss*. I’ve been strugglign like a maniac for 2 years to find a job.. applying for hundreds of positions here and there and everywhere. And then.. within a couple weeks.. I get two offers. Serious offers.

I got a call about half an hour ago, from a Mr Aaron Cruise, UPS Nordic Marketing Manager. They have an opening for a communicator with skills in Finnish, English and Swedish. Well duh..! *L* I mean.. this is even better than the position at Covidien to be honest. If it’s something in the world that I’m good at.. it’s communicating.. *S*. First of all.. this is located in Järfälla, which is where I used to work for 24 years.. and this is the kind of work I’ve been doing successfully for the last 15 years I was at Arla. Also.. we all know how important it is with connections here and there, right..? I had been recommended by a former employee at UPS.. and I had to ask who it was.. and it was my very good and dear friend Gabriella. That is always a huge plus.. to have a recommendation right at the start.

So.. Mr Aaron Cruise wanted me to send my CV by e-mail.. which I did immediately.. in both English and Swedish.. and he replied within the next 5 minutes and he wants to meet me tomorrow at 3 for an interview. GAAAHHH..!! Is this cool or what..?! And wanna know what’s even better..?! We are going to meet in the same area where IKEA is.. I mean, it has to be a sign, right..? *L*

Well people.. keep your fingers crossed and wish me luck for tomorrow.. Maybe it’s my turn now. I hope. And then next week my boys will be home where they belong. YESSS.. Life will be worth living again.

 

Nine eleven

Ten years.. I can’t believe it has been that long. Most people remember exactly what they did and where they were when the news reached them that day. I remember it chrystal clear. Zachary was on his way to Sweden.. in a plane. We were able to chat online for some reason.. some planes had that service even back then and obviously this one did. He wrote that something had happened with one of the twin towers.. a possible terror attack and that they had to get back to LaGuardia. I was so pissed. Yet another obstacle.. something keeping us apart. This wasn’t his first attempt to fly out here.. and not his last..

I turned on the TV and watched CNN.. I saw the second plane hit the second tower in live broadcast. It was horrible. Unbelievable. Surreal. I was glued to the TV the rest of the day.. or actually, I was running between the TV and the computer.. waiting to hear something, anything from Zachary or his family who were in NY at the time. Since it’s been 10 years today.. media is going crazier than usual. I remember and honor those who lost their lives.. and those who did an extraordinary effort and job at the scene. Police, Firefighters, Doctors, Paramedics.. volounteers. Thank God I didn’t lose a loved one that day.. but I did lose something as well.. I lost the chance of being with the man I love. The time that followed was beyond hell.. for many, many reasons.

Life isn’t as it should be still. We’re still apart. Nothing is as it should be and it hurts beyond words. Energy and stregth is gone for many of us. My mind is running wild, my emotions are crushed. I’m struggling hard to want to keep going. I don’t want to die and I don’t plan to. But right now.. I don’t want to live either.. and that is a very painful insight. No job, no family, no inspiration, no strength, no energy, no will, no sparkle. No nothing. Emptiness.

As something to weigh up this sadness with.. I’m posting a link to an article here. It’s well worth reading.. I liked it a lot since it kind of tells you how it is. Good and bad. So if you have a minute or two to spare.. please check this out:

What’s wrong with Stockholm?

Until next time… Peace people..